Brotherhood Yard Sale
by Red Witch
Summary: The Brotherhood decide to hold a yard sale. Unfortunately for them the sale attracts the attention of the X-Men and a few other unusual customers.


**The disclaimer telling all of you that I don't own X-Men Evolution characters is only 99 cents! Really! Not even this idea is mine! I got it cheap from Coldfusion 180!**

**Brotherhood Yard Sale**

"Hurry, hurry, hurry! Step right up and get the bargains of a lifetime!" Pietro called out in front of a table filled with items. "Where else can you get real genuine mutant artifacts but at the Brotherhood Yard Sale? We got clothes! We got games! We got lots of stuff and other crap for sale! Like this guitar!"

"Don't even **think** about it Quicksilver!" Lance walked by and grabbed his guitar. "Remember the rule! If you're gonna sell our stuff **ask** us for our permission first!" He stormed off.

"Hey it's all going for a good cause! Us! And maybe that new three D video game system," Pietro bristled.

"Excuse me, but I got a question on these ties here," A large heavyset man with a beard walked up to Pietro. "Are these really five dollars each?"

"Yes sir, those three ties are five dollars each," Pietro said. "Considering these ties are made of silk and other high priced fibers that's a great deal. Especially when they are from the Edward Kelly collection. That's right these ties are from Senator Kelly himself."

"Wait, Kelly donated this?" The man said. "He gave you something to sell?"

"In a way yes," Pietro said with a straight face. "Do you want to buy them or not?"

"Oh what the hell? Never let it be said that Ernest P Pollemer let a good bargain go," The man paid for the neckties. "Hey how much for that suit? It looks like it'll fit me. Or at the very least make a pretty good painting smock."

"Twenty bucks, and this is also from the Kelly collection," Pietro showed him the gray suit. "Like you said if it doesn't fit this is good for any other occasion. Washing your car. Brushing your cat. Using the clothes as rags…"

"I'll take that too," Ernest nodded.

"Thank you very much sir," Pietro smiled as he took the money. "If you are interested in anything more from the Kelly Collection, take a good look at that table over there."

"Wow. Hey is that a real leather chair? That would look real good in my garage!" Ernest walked over to the table.

"Well I just sold all the jewelry we had," Wanda walked over to Pietro. "Fifty bucks for the whole lot. Only that much for a whole table's worth of stuff."

"To be fair, most cheerleaders do wear a lot of costume jewelry," Pietro said.

"True but Duncan Matthew's class ring was a pretty good seller," Todd hopped over. "We sold it to one of his other ex-girlfriends. I think she said something about using it as a fishing lure."

"All the other stuff we swiped from Matthew's house is gone too," Fred walked over with Pyro. "Mostly his ex-girlfriends. They were all together."

"Yeah they were saying something about a bonfire but I didn't catch the rest of it," Pyro shrugged.

"Wait, someone actually mentioned fire and you didn't understand the entire sentence, Pyro?" Lance asked as he joined the group.

"I was a bit distracted," Pyro shrugged. "I was demonstrating how some of Wolverine's lighters worked and you know how it goes."

"Right. I was going to ask you how that tree caught on fire," Pietro took a look behind him.

"It's not like it's in our yard," Pyro huffed. "It's in the neighbors across the street!"

"We have neighbors?" Wanda asked. "I thought they all moved away a year ago?"

"They did," Lance said. "That's just an abandoned house. Oh well, that lawn needed to be fixed up anyway."

"And you know what they say, burning is better than mowing," Pyro grinned.

"Other than the slight case of arson this yard sale is moving along a lot better than I thought it would," Lance shrugged.

"I know! We've only been open two hours and we've already made over three hundred bucks!" Todd grinned as he handed over a fistful of money to Lance. "I just sold an old engine part we found in the backyard for thirty bucks. I don't even know what it does or how it got there but the guy wanted it anyway!"

"People are just buying any old useless crap we've got if only to get a look at us," Wanda grimaced. Then she looked at Todd. "I wonder how much they'll pay for **you?**"

"Wait why would they pay any money for that old engine part?" Lance asked. "That thing is junk!"

"Well I might have mentioned that it was once part of a Sentinel," Todd whistled. "Oh by the way, all those junk parts from cars and that broken refrigerator is from a Sentinel too."

"Toad just out of curiosity did you sell that stuff to that creepy looking guy in a lab coat and thick glasses with the Trask Was Framed button?" Fred blinked.

"The one that was muttering something about getting revenge on the mutant race and building something?" Todd asked. "Yup."

"Wait you sold weapons and parts to some scientist who wants to use used Sentinel parts to make a Sentinel of his own and attack mutants?" Lance asked.

"No, I sold rusted **refrigerator and car parts** to some nut who wants to make a robot to attack mutants," Todd gave him a look. "Think about it Lance."

"How smart can he be if he can't tell a refrigerator part from a Sentinel part?" Wanda asked.

"Oh yeah. Good point," Lance realized. "Nice job Toad."

"I thought so," Todd beamed proudly.

"This yard sale is a gold mine! I don't know why we didn't think of this years ago," Pietro remarked.

"What are you losers doing?" Rogue asked as she walked up with Scott, Jean, Kitty, Bobby and Kurt (Image inducer on of course).

"Oh wait now I remember," Pietro gave the X-Men a look. "I didn't want to spray our home for geekiness!"

"What are you guys doing with all this stuff?" Kitty folded her arms.

"We're using it to contact the aliens in outer space, Kitty," Lance gave his ex-girlfriend a look. "See all these price tags? They're really coded messages telling the aliens where to land and how to find our leaders."

"Very funny Lance," Kitty glared.

"I thought so," Lance smirked. "So why are you guys **really** here? As if we didn't really know. But I'll ask anyway just to pretend to be polite."

"Maybe they're between allowances from Xavier and need to get some stuff at a great discount?" Fred asked. "You are gonna buy stuff right?"

"No, we are not," Rogue said.

"Well then scram! This is for paying customers!" Fred snapped.

"How about I pay you on my Angry Fist credit card?" Rogue made a fist. "I never leave home without it!"

"Rogue," Jean sighed. "Look we heard about this yard sale you've got going on and we're here to make sure that you guys don't get into trouble."

"How did you find out?" Todd asked.

"You slimed flyers all over town," Scott gave him a look. "Including the mansion's walls and on my car!"

"Oh yeah," Todd laughed. "That was a fun job."

"Ha ha. Well it's **our job** now to make sure that things don't get out of hand," Scott glared at him.

"Typical! You X-Geeks are so nosy you have to invent reasons to come over here and bother us!" Pietro bristled. "Just so you can throw your weight around!"

"Yeah you always bug us when we don't do nothin'!" Fred agreed.

"You always think the worst of us no matter what we do!" Lance snapped. "This is a freaking yard sale! How much trouble can we cause?"

"Why is that lawn across the street on **fire**?" Bobby pointed. All the X-Men looked at Pyro.

"Why does everybody look at **me** whenever fire breaks out?" Pyro protested. "There are other things in the world that make fires besides me you know?"

"Then how did that lawn get on fire?" Jean asked.

"Spontaneous combustion," Pyro said. "Happens all the time."

"Spontaneous combustion? _Spontaneous combustion_ set a **lawn **on _**fire**_?" Scott asked in a tone of extreme disbelief.

"That's right. People blow up and burn up all the time," Pyro said. "It's an unexplained phenomenon. It can happen. You just walk along minding your own business when **bam!** You're charcoal!"

"So you're saying some person just was walking along over there and just happened to spontaneously combust and set the lawn on fire?" Rogue asked.

"Not necessarily," Pyro said proudly. "Could have been a gopher."

"A **gopher?**" Rogue gave him a look.

"You're saying a gopher spontaneously combusted and set a lawn on fire?"Kitty snapped.

"Yup. Little furry friend got fried," Pyro said happily. "And since he was so close to the ground when it happened, boom! The lawn got set on fire too! Makes sense!"

"You expect us to believe that a **gopher **spontaneously combusted and set fire to the…?" Scott yelled. "Of all the stupid…Bobby where are you going?"

"Uh to put the fire out?" Bobby gave him a look. "You know? Ice can beat fire? Unless you really want the whole neighborhood to burn down."

"Oh right, sorry," Scott apologized. "Go ahead. Put out the fire the Brotherhood made," Bobby went to ice up the fire.

"We didn't do it! The gopher did it!" Todd shouted.

"There was no gopher! Toad, gophers do not spontaneously explode!" Kurt snapped.

"Well how do you know? Are you some kind of gopher scientist or something?" Todd snapped.

"Yeah Night-Creeper," Pietro said. "Just because you have fur doesn't mean you know everything about all the animals in the world that have fur! Maybe gophers do explode?"

"Gophers do not explode," Jean said.

"How do you know? Humans spontaneously combust and explode, why not gophers?" Fred asked.

"Gophers do **not** spontaneously explode!" Scott snapped. "Wanda you're the only one here with some sense…"

"Scott's right it couldn't have been a gopher," Wanda said. "Nobody's gonna believe that. That was a stupid lie Pyro."

"Thank you…" Scott let out a breath.

"Now squirrels on the other hand…" Wanda smirked. "Squirrels spontaneously exploding…**That** I believe."

"Oh yeah that does make more sense now that you mention it," Todd nodded.

"Listen you! If you maniacs think for one minute that we're gonna buy that stupid story about…" Scott noticed something on a table and did a double take. "Hold on a second. That looks like one of my shirts I used to have."

"So does this one," Jean noticed something else. "It looks like the sweater I gave you for your birthday."

"Wait a minute…That is the sweater I got for my birthday! You're **selling** my clothes?" Scott yelled.

"Are you kidding? We can't **give **those things away!" Lance scoffed. "They're so dorky nobody even wants them for rags to wash their car with! Boy that was a bad idea!"

"Are you selling stuff you stole from us from the Mansion?" Kitty yelled.

"Not all of it," Pietro grunted. "Some of this stuff is the crap you gave Lance."

"Yeah we didn't steal all the stuff we got from the mansion," Todd nodded. "Like those stupid pink dragons you gave Lance one Valentine's Day."

"Listen you…Pink **dragons**?" Scott did a double take. "Seriously? Kitty, why would you give a guy pink dragons?"

"His name is Lance! Dragons? Knights and…Oh never mind!" Kitty snapped. "It's symbolism okay! Which obviously some people do not understand! Including a certain rock head!"

"Kitty I don't think even rocket scientists would understand the attraction you two morons had for each other," Todd grunted.

"Toad!" Kitty gritted her teeth.

"You gotta give it to him," Wanda said.

"Man does have a point," Rogue agreed.

"Lance I can't believe you would sell our cherished mementos of our love!" Kitty snapped.

"Well I was going to destroy them," Lance admitted. "Then I figured what the heck? Why not sell them and make a profit?"

"I can't believe you are doing this Lance! I would never be so crass as to sell anything you gave me!" Kitty said.

"I don't think I ever gave you any stuff," Lance blinked.

"No, but if you did I wouldn't go out and sell it for a buck!" Kitty snapped. "And FYI…You **not **buying me stuff was one of the many, many things that contributed to our breakup."

"Oh I am so sorry that I wasn't **materialistic **enough for you!" Lance snapped.

"You **should** be!" Kitty snapped.

"Okay Kitty I know we are all supposed to be on your side with this whole Avalanche breakup here," Scott winced. "But right now you are not exactly making it easy for us."

"Fire's out. What did I miss?" Bobby walked over.

"We found out that the Brotherhood stole some of Scott's clothes and now we're smack dab into reasons Lance and Kitty broke up," Rogue told him.

"Oh…" Bobby blinked. "Pyro…I don't suppose you could set another fire or something could you?"

"What?" Jean gave him a look.

"Just until those two are finished rehashing the disaster called their love life!" Bobby said. "Seriously I'd rather fight another fire than listen to that again."

"Come to think of it, so would I," Pyro agreed. "Hey that abandoned house across the street has this old woodshed! We could do something with that!"

"Works for me," Bobby said as the two of them went off.

"I think I'll join them…" Wanda rolled her eyes and went off. "Those two have a good point."

"Let's get back on track here," Scott groaned. "What else have you stolen from us to put in your garbage sale?"

"Nothing! Just your dorky outfits nobody wanted!" Lance bristled.

FOOOOOM!

"And some lighters Pietro found in Wolverine's drawer," Lance winced.

"Wow, yo that is one big fire," Todd blinked. "It's already melting the ice."

"Hey do you have any more of those ties and suits from the Senator Kelly collection?" Ernest walked over to them.

"Oh yeah on that table in the back," Fred nodded. "I'll show you. Any particular colors?"

"Well my pig Pepper likes the color blue because it matches his eyes," Ernest followed Fred.

Jean looked at the other Brotherhood members. "What? Kelly had better stuff and you had easier access to it?"

"Pretty much," Pietro shrugged. "No offense or nothin' but for a bunch of guys who live in a fancy pants mansion, you don't have that much stuff that's marketable."

"Even Matthews had better MP3 players than you did," Lance said. "Not that he'll have much time to use them in prison…"

"So basically we didn't steal that much of your stuff," Todd said.

"Oh yeah?" Kitty stormed to the table. "Well how do you explain this? My baking pans and cook books?"

"We didn't steal 'em," Todd said. "Wolverine gave 'em to us."

"HE **WHAT**?" Kitty yelled.

"In case you haven't figured it out, that's **the other** reason we didn't take too much of your stuff," Lance shrugged.

"But he let you take my clothes?" Scott snapped.

"Said you needed a new look anyway," Pietro shrugged.

"Of course he did," Scott grumbled.

"I can't believe you took all my baking supplies!" Kitty snapped.

"Consider it a public service," Lance said. "We're trying to cut down the cases of food poisoning around here."

"Why does everybody complain about my cooking?" Kitty snapped.

"Because your cooking is like Toad's body odor," Lance quipped. "Horrible. The only difference is that eventually you build up a tolerance to the way Toad smells."

"My cooking is **not **horrible!" Kitty snapped. "Okay maybe one or two of my muffins kind of cracked a few floors? And I know where I went wrong on my recipe for pickle banana cream pie. But come on! Who hasn't caused a few upset stomachs and some diarrhea when they first start to cook?"

"What about Mrs. Hudson, the Home Ec teacher?" Lance asked.

"There was no proof linking my cupcakes to her heart attack and her hair falling out!" Kitty snapped.

"Kitty you really are making it difficult for us to not side with Lance on this one," Jean groaned.

"Oh mein Gott, is this what I think it is?" Kurt whistled as he picked something up from a table.

"If you think that is an extremely rare Galaxy Ranger Number One comic then yes it is," Pietro grinned.

"Hold on Speedy! That ain't for sale!" Todd grabbed the comic. "That is the crown jewel of my Galaxy Ranger collection!"

"You collect Galaxy Ranger memorabilia? You know of the show?" Kurt gasped.

"Doesn't everybody?" Todd blinked.

"What in the world is a Galaxy Ranger?" Kitty asked.

"Only the coolest cartoon ever made!" Kurt said.

"Well with one or two exceptions," Todd corrected.

"Oh right. At the very least it is in the top five," Kurt added.

"Great. **Two** of them," Lance moaned. "Let the Geek Fest begin."

"Wait a minute," Rogue said. "Isn't it that show from the 80's about those space cops?"

"Not cops. Rangers. Galaxy Rangers!" Kurt snapped. "Pay attention woman!"

"Yeah!" Todd agreed.

Rogue glared at them. "If you really want to that is…" Todd gulped.

"You two just earned a butt kicking. You realize that?" Rogue glared at them.

"I love the show! I even made myself a Galaxy Ranger Costume," Todd said proudly.

"Me too!" Kurt said. "Come on! I'll show you some of my collection!" Kurt grabbed Todd and they teleported away.

"What was all **that **about?" Jean blinked.

"Trust me, you **don't** want to know," Pietro groaned.

"Is it just me or does the world makes so much more sense when those two are fighting each other instead of getting along?" Lance sighed.

"It's not just you," Scott groaned. "Okay what other stuff did you steal did you put on sale?"

"We didn't steal everything here! Some of this junk was in our house and backyard," Pietro said. "Or a garbage dump."

"You took some stuff from Bayville High didn't you?" Jean asked.

"Like I said, or from a garbage dump," Pietro quipped.

"What did you do, read our minds Red?" Lance snapped.

"Uh no, I just looked over there at that statue of the Bayville High Mascot," Jean pointed. "And those signs that say Bayville High only they have the word Sucks written on them in spray paint."

"They were going to throw them out anyway," Pietro waved. "Besides those Bayville High Sucks signs are one of our biggest sellers."

"Is that one of Duncan Matthew's letter jackets?" Jean asked.

"How did you know?" Lance asked.

"I recognized his name tag his mother sewed into the jacket!" Jean snapped. "How much of this stuff did you steal from Duncan?"

"How much is left?" Lance said. "Because after all those cheerleader exes of his there's only that jacket and his wallet."

"Empty I take it?" Kitty folded her arms. "Like your head?"

"Empty like **your **head," Lance glared at her.

"Oh real mature!" Kitty snapped.

"I know **I** am. What are **you?**" Lance smirked.

"Oh! Lance you're such a delinquent!" Kitty stomped her foot.

"At least I don't **poison** people," Lance glared at her.

"It was not poisoning! The judge said so!" Kitty shouted.

"Seriously Kitty! Stop talking! We're starting to side with **him!" **Jean snapped and pointed at Lance.

"I just want you to stop talking period," Rogue groaned.

"How much for the wallet?" Scott asked. Everyone looked at him. "What? It's not like Matthews is going to use it much anymore?"

"Scott! If it was anyone else besides Duncan Matthews you wouldn't even **say **a question like that!" Jean yelled. "I can't believe you!"

"Look who's talking," Scott said. "This from a woman who asked Storm if she could make it rain over Duncan's head for a week."

"We had just broken up and I had just learned he cheated on me," Jean snapped. "I was very upset! So I got a little emotional? I eventually calmed down and regained my senses."

"Was this before or after you ran that three hour long Danger Room session where you simulated beating Duncan up?" Scott asked.

"It was therapeutic!" Jean snapped.

"It was expensive!" Scott snapped back. "Even Wolverine was getting a bit nervous of all the damage you did."

"Oh like I was the only one who put Duncan Matthews in a simulation?" Jean snapped.

"Hey! At least I wasn't selling tickets to beat up fake Duncan Matthews like Multiple was!" Scott snapped.

"Multiple sold tickets to a Danger Room session where you got to beat up Duncan Matthews?" Lance snickered.

"Yeah," Rogue shrugged. "Ten bucks for every fifteen minutes. By the end of the day practically every simulator robot we had was wrecked. Plus the Danger Room was so trashed we couldn't use it for a week."

"Boy I would have liked to have seen Wolverine's face when he found out about that!" Lance laughed. "He must have really blown a gasket huh?"

"Are you kidding? He bought fifty bucks worth of time," Scott groaned. "I never even got a turn!"

"How do you think the Danger Room got trashed so badly?" Rogue grunted.

"Multiple is getting to be quite the little entrepreneur isn't he?" Pietro thought. "Boy we can use someone like that on our team."

"You could use anybody with half a brain on your team," Rogue said. "Although I have to admit for once you guys actually had a halfway decent idea. I can't believe you goons actually paid for a permit to have a yard sale."

"What?" Pietro blinked. "What do you mean?"

"You have to pay the town for permission to have a yard sale," Rogue said.

"Why? It's our yard?" Pietro asked. "That makes no sense at all."

"Quicksilver you have to…" Rogue began. "Oh never mind. I'm sure that nice policeman over there will explain it to you."

"Uh Rogue, something tells me he's not here for that," Pietro pointed. "But for **that.**"

Across the street there were huge ice sculptures that appeared to be in the shape of huge flames. The lawn was covered in ice and so was the abandoned house. "I think Bobby and the others went overboard," Kitty blinked.

"I don't know who owns that house but they are not going to be happy," Scott winced.

"SQUEEE! SQUEEE!" A pig wearing a tie and a blue jacket ran past them.

"Pepper come back!" Ernest ran after his pig. "Don't get your new suit all dirty!"

"Wow, that pig looks better in that suit than Kelly ever did," Lance smirked.

"Maybe the cop is here for some kind of animal thing?" Jean guessed.

"I'm afraid **both **guesses are wrong," Rogue pointed.

"Oh…I guess he would be here for that," Scott blinked.

"HA! HA! HA! That's right mutants! Cower at my mighty Sentinel!" A creepy looking man in a lab coat laughed as he fiddled with a control pad. Stomping behind him was a strange looking twelve foot tall robot that looked more rusted than polished. One hand was a clamp and on its face instead of an eye it had a beam of red light going back and forth like a Cylon.

"Wow, I guess you **can** make a Sentinel from old car and refrigerator parts," Pietro blinked. "Okay it's a really crappy and short Sentinel but yeah I guess it counts."

"THIS WAS NOT IN MY JOB DESCRIPTION!" The cop ran past them. "THAT'S IT! I'M QUITTING THE FORCE AND MOVING TO FLORIDA!"

"So nice to know the motto 'to protect and serve' is upheld by people with high standards," Scott groaned.

"I don't know why that cop looked so scared," Pietro blinked. "That thing looks like it's gonna fall apart any second now."

"Tremble in fear mutants! Attack Sentinel! Attack!" The scientist cackled. The robot just stood there. "I said attack! Oh come on! It was working a second ago!"

The scientist fiddled with the controls. "Come on! Attack! I just put batteries in this thing! I know this should work!"

"Uh do you need any help?" Fred asked as he walked over.

"No, no! I've got this! I've got this!" The scientist said. "Now what does this red button do again? Oh right! It shoots out the laser! AH HA!"

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!

"Oh…No that was the self-destruct button," The scientist moaned.

"See? The problem took care of itself," Pietro shrugged. "No biggie."

"Wish all our enemies took themselves out like that," Kitty blinked.

CLUNK!

"That Pseudo Sentinel's head just took out the cop car," Lance remarked.

"Ooh that's gonna leave a mark," The Scientist winced. He looked at the mutants. "Uh how about we all call this a draw?"

"I don't think so," Jean prepared to use her telekinesis to restrain the man.

BAMPH!

"Galaxy Rangers HO!" Kurt called out as he and Todd tackled the scientist using Kurt's teleportation. The odd thing was both of them were dressed in blue and white uniforms with badges.

"Citizens' Arrest!" Todd whooped. "Let's send this criminal to the Deltoid Rock!"

"I have no idea what that means but I am not sticking around to find out!" The Scientist squirmed free and ran away.

"Get him! Citizen's arrest!" Todd and Kurt yelled as they chased after the scientist.

"What are they…? No…Forget it! I don't want to know!" Rogue said.

"Kurt, Toad let the police handle…" Scott began.

"MAD PIG! MAD PIG!" The cop ran by them again.

"SQUEEE! SQUEEE!" The pig in the suit chased the police officer.

"Come back here Pepper!" Ernest ran after him. "That police officer doesn't wanna play!"

"That's some angry bacon," Lance said. He looked across the street. "Pyro! Stop setting the fake Sentinel's parts on fire!"

"Well I knew some kind of disaster would happen at this yard sale but I had no idea it would be this bad," Scott moaned. "Or this weird."

"Boy a guy selling sanity would really clean up around here," Rogue sighed. "On second thought it's a bad idea. These morons wouldn't know what to do with it."


End file.
